This poem is also a short video which can be viewed here.

An Elephant on My Chest

An elephant came and sat upon my chest
His bottom large and wide
Can you breathe ok, he called down to me
Just barely, I replied

You carry too much weight I told him
Your burden's more than I can bear
Well, you better get used to it, he said
Cause I'm not going anywhere

How do you live with an elephant on your chest
When you can breathe but barely
His weight felt big and overwhelming
And positively scary

Will he get too comfortable
And stay for days, weeks or even years
Will his presence be so hard and heavy
It squeezes out endless tears

How do you live with an elephant on your chest
Sometimes you just do
Moment by moment, breath by breath
For as long you bloody have to

You accept the heavy and the hard
You begin to bless the burden too
And as you make peace with your elephant
He makes peace with you

For one day my elephant stood up saying
It was time to be on his way
How strange to realize he wanted to go
That elephants prefer NOT to stay

No matter how heavy your elephant's sprawl
If you allow him just to be
At some point you'll watch him waddle away
And finally feel ($#%(@!) free

the heart’s burdens

the back, shoulders, neck
dutifully carry the heart's burdens
and just when it seems like
they have nothing left,
an unforeseen door
opens to reveal
a room with
a warm
bed

and you rest

Ode to Jade Scott

(This poem was inspired by Jade Scott’s performance on Britain’s Got Talent and the song Dancing On My Own by Robyn.)

I was in the corner like the song goes
Watching you dazzle and soar
My hands shook while your voice tore
Through the hall and captured their hearts

Who could've guessed my flight of fancy
Would turn a mere mortal into a hero
My personal zero straddling your elation
In a moment that would change everything

In the corner with all those mixed feelings
Ambivalence, a biblical flood of emotion
Watching in slow motion, digesting that
My dream died while yours was being born

Giving it my all would never be enough
To go home with the grandest prize
Or feel like I finally arrived at destiny's door
Instead I watched you open that door

Who cares about the girl in the corner?
A naif with a dream crushed by a tyrant
Her hot cheeks flushed with disappointment
On the sidelines of a life she won't have

What happens to that girl in the corner?
To the one who struggled and strived
And was deprived of her chance to fly
Does she get another opportunity?

Is she brave enough to take it?
Some heroes aren't made by the lottery win
But when the fallen get up again
Walk out of the corner and into the sun

There's a big bright sky over your town
Are you ready for it?

a daughter rising

It was the season of sorrow
Too soon
Before the verge of blossoming
Yours were the tears of the ancients
Waiting for newfound grief to walk them into the headwinds
To mourn through you, to grow with you
A debt you never wanted
And thought you didn't deserve
Oh how small you felt
The discarded sacrificial lamb
But your ancestors always knew
That you were the chosen one
To carry forth their grief inside a golden chalice
Precious treasure masked in pain
Take heed, daughter, they look to you and call out:
Captain, guide this battered ship back to port
You are our salvation

It was the season of sorrow, but only on the surface
For how could you know at such a tender age
It was also the season of strength

peace is

Peace is an image
We push, we prod, we insist and demand
Peace is the image of the tiny bud gently emerging from the soil

Peace is a stillness
We fidget, we fret, we perspire and strain
Peace is the stillness when the running is done, that waits for hurt to come home

Peace is a breath
We settle, we let go, release and surrender
Peace is the breath that wafts through the body, whispering a love song to each cell

Peace is, and has always been, a hopeful suitor
Lingering on the sidelines, longing
To catch your eye

the solution

I got so caught up in the problem
I stopped looking at the solution
the solution knew my name
all along
but I ignored every call and invitation
burying my head in the pages of the problem's
seductive story

the more I latched onto the problem
the more problem I got
it rolled through my life a ball of velcro
picking up every little speck
the solution stood by and shook her head
as if to say, silly girl
you've lost your way again

I take my leaf for a walk

I take my leaf for a walk
So that I can see it with new eyes
Like a preschool child pressing multicolored life between laminated paper
We become acquainted for the first time

I take my leaf for a walk
Absorbing its rainbow of greens and yellows
Pointy tips and branches of slim, outstretched veins
Elongated stem now detached from its homebase

I take my leaf for a walk
Marveling at how easy it is to acclimate to the miraculous
To casually overlook mother earth's magnificent blend of science and poetry

I take my leaf for a walk so that I may learn how to look deeply
To behold the gift right in front of me
All the gifts
To fall in love with them gently
To care for them properly

I take my leaf for a walk to understand that the only place
I ever need to be is
Right here
Right now

a poem: for my daughter

Rising, intensifying, gathering force
Her energy crashes over us both like a wild tsunami
Let me blunt its force, I think, patch up a damn
Protect her from the pain I cannot control
That was written in our destinies long ago
Chosen but not chosen
Yet no one, not even a mother, can catch the water with her bare hands
The surge pushes on
But I cannot direct its path or lessen its force
Rather I am the witness, the proof that it exists
That it matters in a dark and endless universe
Finally her small voice speaks:
Some people have butterflies in their stomach
I have pterodactyls
When those pterodactyls are ready to rest, I tell her
Love will come again
Tired, her small body takes refuge
In the embrace that rocks storms to sleep

sometimes self-love

Sometimes self love is drinking the green juice; sometimes it's eating the chocolate cake

Sometimes it's going to the party; other times, it's lounging at home
Sometimes it's splurging on a you-know-what even if i don't exactly need it; other times it's putting away the cash
Sometimes it's forgoing the pain medication; other times it's just taking the pain medication for god's sake

Sometimes self love means pushing ourselves a little harder, sometimes it's cutting ourselves much needed slack
Sometimes it's fighting for it; other times it's gracefully bowing out
Accepting that too much fight is a peace-of-mind thief

Sometimes self love is choosing me, me, me; sometimes it's putting the relationship first
It could mean staying when we're used to leaving; or leaving when it's more comfortable to stay
Sometimes self love is posting the words we fear to share; other times it's closing the account that devours our time
Sometimes it's a loud yes; other times a clear no

There is no right or wrong path to loving the self
There are no one size fits all answers
There is only nuance, paradox and learning to trust ourselves
That we will rise to the new moment as it bursts into being

a gray pandemic day

I awake to today
Another day
A disappointment of a day
The rain drizzles
The wind is crisp and chills the air
The spread of the sky is a pale gray monotone
I wake to a space that is not home
Seek comfort in comforts that are not mine
I want to resist you
Look down on you
Even spit on you
Today, the disappointment that you are
You, you, how could YOU have anything to offer?
How could you have any hidden gifts?
With your gray and your drizzle and your monotone
Your ceaseless monotone
A day just like so many other days
But even less than
And yet
Here you are
You are still today
Filled with moments that will never return
You are still a choice
Asking for peace
And I can still be a peacemaker
Searching for the hidden gifts

(more poems to come; for now please visit my Instagram page)